Ch
26. Year 1983
Sue
and I had two boys aged nearly 5 and 2. Sue was pregnant again. I was
so busy with meetings and the various things involved in running a
rapidly growing ministry that I was not taking much notice, so I am
describing what I came to understand later, more than what I picked
up on at the time.
This
pregnancy was different. Sue had always bloomed in pregnancy. Not
this time. She became quieter, withdrawn and let things slip on the
domestic side. As I said I didn't notice: I was too busy looking
after other people to see what was happening right under my nose.
Our
first daughter, Elizabeth Inez Louise, was born in March 1983. Sue
discharged herself from hospital after a few days – a week was the
usual stay then – so that her mother would not come down from
Sydney to look after us. That should have made me think something
was wrong. She went to stay with Inez and Orrie. I think for a couple
of weeks. She always seemed to be in bed, she always seemed to be
crying. It was the same when she finally moved home. One day coming
back from wherever I had been I came in on this scene: Our two year
old Timothy was crying and banging on the outside of our closed
bedroom door. He held a box of tissues in hand. Most of the contents
littered the floor, obviously used blowing his nose and drying his
eyes. Sue was inside crying out “Go Away!” Tim had heard her
crying in there and had wanted to bring her some tissues to comfort
her. Still I didn't see.
One
day Orrie called me over to his surgery. He told me to sit down and
read an article from a medical magazine. The article was actually a
story about a man whose wife had post natal depression. I can't now
remember the details but as he described how the kids complained that
all he ever cooked was sausages and mash it hit me. I was the man!
Not long before, I couldn't think what to feed the kids one night. In
desperation I made one large banana milkshake – adding raw egg for
protein. Then thinking that still wasn't a proper dinner I added
vitamin drops – which made it taste so bad the kids wouldn't drink
it.
When
I had read the article Orrie told me that Sue had a profound
post-natal depression. Like the man in the story I had not noticed
the signs. Like the man in the story I had slipped into a sympathetic
depression which made me incapable of helping.
It
was a devastating blow. Orrie's very authoritative manner brooked no
dispute – especially when he was normally so convivial. This was
the doctor speaking, not the family friend. He went on to say that he
did not hold out much hope that Sue would live through the
depression. (the really effective modern drugs had not been invented
then) She would, he believed, certainly die if she were put in a
public hospital, and we had no private health insurance. He said he
and Inez would do all they could, but I must do my bit and pull back
from church work to save my wife and care for my children.
Inez
and Orrie were wonderful. They had unbeknowns to me already gone
through our medicine cabinet and removed anything dangerous. The
drugs available in those days for depression were lethal in high
doses, so Orrie only handed out the tablets a few day's supply at a
time. When we went on holidays he and Inez even took simultaneous
holidays so that they could meet up with us halfway with the next
sub-lethal quantity of Sue's medication.
I
can't tell you how bad I felt, just that it was so bad that my mind
has completely blocked it out. I could not bring all the details of
that time to mind if I tried.
I
rearranged things to spend more time at home. We had money laid by as
a deposit on a house. Over the next few years we spent it on home
help. Ian's wife Leon was a retired hospital cook. She came several
nights a week to bath the kids and cook dinner for all of us. We
hired other ladies to clean house and do the washing and ironing.
Some
of the new converts were a fantastic help – possibly without
realising it since Sue could not bear anyone to know about her
illness.
When
we had left Sydney and our families to move to Gippsland, Sue had
asked God to provide substitute grandparents for the children. Now
God answered that prayer. Inez and Orrie were the main ones.
Elizabeth was as she grew was baby-sat by Leon and Ian who developed
a special relationship to her. Tim also had a special person, Helen,
who I mentioned before. She had the contract delivering mail out to
the farms around Lang Lang. She took Tim out with her each day in her
car, and Tim put the mail into the roadside mail boxes. It probably
made her job take much longer, but Helen did it for several years
with no thought of payment.
It
was a terrible time, and God did not magic it away, but he provided
everything we and the children needed to survive.
Next:
problems at Bayles
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